"A value is a direction we desire to keep moving in; an ongoing process that never reaches an end.” ― Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap
What are values?
Values are a system of principles that hold significance to your life. They are different from goals, which are concrete and achievable tasks. Values are not objectives to be completed; instead, they represent qualities you aim to embody, activities that you consider important, or aspects of life that hold meaning and priority for you. When we live in alignment with our values, we can find fulfillment in our daily lives.
What happens when I'm not living in alignment with my values?
This may be best illustrated through a situational example.
Imagine this: adventure is super important to you. You have always known that you want to travel and see as much of the world as you can. However, others are telling you that once you hit a certain milestone, finding stability is the right way forward. You decide that your passions are perhaps too risky, and you follow the advice of those around you. While you manage to create a comfortable life for yourself, you are often internally conflicted, wondering and dreaming about how life could have been had you pursued your adventurous spirit.
It's important to note that no one is objectively "right" or "wrong" in their values. There is only what is right for each person. In this situation, there is a very clear lack of fulfillment for the person who disregards their desire for adventure and begins to make their life decisions based on the expectations of those around them. Abandoning your personal values can result in feelings of depression, being "stuck" or directionless, feeling numb or empty, being unable to make decisions, and having low self-esteem.
“A rich and meaningful life is created through taking action. But not just any action. It happens through effective action, guided by and motivated by your values. And in particular, it happens through committed action: action that you take again and again, no matter how many times you fail or go off track.” ― Russ Harris
How Do I Identify My Values?
You can start to gain insight into your values by thinking back to a time when you felt fulfilled. Visualize the situation. What were you doing? Who were you with? What about it energized and inspired you? This is a great start in the process of learning more about what matters to you. From here, it can be useful to consult a list of values in order to clarify and label what some of your values are, as well as how they apply to different areas of your life.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of some common values:
Acceptance | Adventure | Ambition | Authenticity |
Compassion | Connection | Contribution | Creativity |
Curiosity | Equality | Excitement | Fitness |
Fun | Generosity | Honesty | Humour |
Humility | Independence | Intimacy | Integrity |
Justice | Mindfulness | Order | Open-mindedness |
Patience | Pleasure | Power | Respect |
Responsibility | Stability | Self-awareness | Self-care |
Self-development | Sensuality | Spirituality | Trust |
Remember: values are unique to each individual, so there is no right or wrong answer here!
What's even more interesting is that your values may change over time as you enter different stages and phases of life, and they may vary across different areas of your life. For example, ambition may be a top priority in your workplace, while excitement may be a higher priority in your personal life. Because of this, there is an ongoing opportunity to stay attuned to your inner world and find different ways to align with your values.
I invite you to take some time to reflect on what your values are. What matters to you? What kind of person do you want to be? What's one small step you can take right now to align with this vision?
If this speaks to you and is something you'd like to explore more of together, please feel free to reach out to me for a free consultation!
With warmth,
Alessia Manzoli, Registered Psychotherapist
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