Self-Care: What It Really Means (and What It Doesn’t)
In a world that constantly demands more of us - more productivity, more availability, more resilience - self-care has become a popular buzzword. But somewhere between social media trends and wellness marketing, its true meaning has been diluted. Let’s bring it back to what actually matters.
What Really Is Self-Care?
Self care is about intentionally and proactively nurturing your overall wellbeing. It’s not a luxury or something to earn. It’s a necessity that helps you live a meaningful, empowered, and energized life.
Self care is centred around:
Identifying and meeting to your needs in a number of categories
Setting boundaries based on your capacity
Making choices that support your long-term health, not just short-term comfort
Committing to what is important to you
Self-care can look like resting when you're exhausted, speaking up when something feels wrong, or asking for help when you're overwhelmed.
Most importantly, self-care is personal and unique. It’s not one size fits all. What restores one person may not work for another, and that’s okay.
What Self-Care Is Not
There are a lot of misconceptions about self-care, so I want to address and clarify them.
Self-care is not:
Always spa days, candles, bubble baths, or “retail therapy”
Avoiding responsibilities or “numbing out” from difficult emotions
Always doing what feels good in the moment
Saying no as soon as something feels inconvenient or uncomfortable
Something that you earn only after hitting a point of burnout
While relaxing activities can absolutely be part of self-care, they’re only one small piece. True self-care often involves doing things that are not immediately comfortable, like having hard conversations, showing up to your commitments, cleaning your house, sticking to routines, or making changes that challenge you.
How to Identify What You Need
Understanding your self-care needs starts with awareness of the experiences that are happening within you, so an important first step is to pause, tune into your body, and mindfully ask yourself “how am I feeling in this moment?”
The sensations you notice might be:
Physical: e.g. a grumbling stomach, fatigue, fidgety, or headachey
Mental: e.g. a lack of focus, overthinking, or rumination on one particular topic
Emotional: e.g. loneliness, anxiety, sadness, irritability, joy
Any of these internal experiences can guide you to understand what you might need, whether that’s food, rest, a journaling session, or a hug.
Here are a few further questions that can prompt you to explore deeper:
What areas of my life feel most draining right now?
When do I feel most overwhelmed or disconnected?
What do I tend to neglect when I’m stressed?
Once you identify what feels “off,” ask yourself: What would support me right now? And then, build self-trust by following through on meeting that need.
Categories of Self-Care
As we’ve already learned, self care is not one clear activity.
Rather than trying to simplify it, it can be helpful to think of different types of self-care as different “buckets” in your life. Once you identify which bucket is emptier, you might have an easier time understanding how to refill it.
Here are the six self care buckets:
1. Practical Self Care
Practical self care is about managing everyday life in a way that reduces stress. For example:
Organizing your space
Planning your schedule realistically
Taking care of finances or responsibilities, doing taxes
2. Emotional Self Care
This includes supporting your emotional well-being through activities like:
Journaling or expressing feelings
Talking to someone you trust
Allowing yourself to feel without judgment
3. Spiritual Self Care
Spiritual self care is about relating to your values, sense of meaning, or purpose. This can be religious, but does not have to be based in religion. Some examples of spiritual self care include:
Meditation or reflection
Spending time in nature
Exploring your values and beliefs
4. Physical Self Care
This one is all about taking care of your body, and can be what we more typically think of when we hear about self care. Some important practices of physical self care include:
Getting enough sleep
Moving your body regularly
Eating nourishing foods
Staying hydrated
5. Mental Self Care
Mental self care includes any activities that take care of your mind. This can include:
Taking breaks from screens or work
Practicing mindfulness or meditation, especially when mind is moving quickly
Engaging in activities that stimulate or calm your mind, such as doing puzzles, sudoku, listening to a stimulating podcast, etc
6. Social Self Care
As social creatures, we have a natural need to nurture healthy relationships (yes, even the most introverted of us!) Social self care can look like:
Spending time with supportive people
Setting boundaries with those who drain you
Asking for help when needed
Resources
Here you will find my “Self Care Chart: Template and Examples” which summarizes the above categories and lists helpful activities in each category. This can guide you in those moments when you’re not sure about what you need. It’s best to fill this out when you are feeling clear and have the capacity to brainstorm on activities that are useful for you.
Final Thoughts
Self-care isn’t about becoming the “perfect, balanced person.”
It’s about learning how to support yourself in a world that can be overstimulating, demanding, and sometimes overwhelming.
Some days, self-care will look like relaxation and pampering. Other days, it will look like holding yourself accountable and doing the hard thing. Other days, it will be some combination of the two. There is no right or wrong way - there’s only what is right for you.
If you are finding yourself in need of any extra support with taking care of yourself, I am currently accepting new clients and would be honoured to walk alongside you on your journey. Please contact me for a free 15 minute consultation, and we can talk more about the ways I can support you.
Until next time,
Be well!
Alessia Manzoli
Registered Psychotherapist