Exploring “Parts Work” in Therapy: Finding Compassion for Your Whole Self
“A part of me wants to go out tonight, but another part of me really wants to stay in and relax.”
“A part of me knows that going to the gym would be good for me, but another part of me is really resisting going.”
“A part of me wants love and connection, but another part of me keeps sabotaging my dating experiences.”
If you’ve ever said something like this, you’ve already experienced what it feels like to have different parts of you pulling in different directions.
Maybe one part of you feels motivated, while another feels afraid. One part longs for closeness, while another braces for disappointment. One part wants change, while another wants safety.
You are not flawed, indecisive, or a saboteur, and this internal tug-of-war isn’t a reflection of you as a person. It’s evidence that the mind is naturally multiple, and that different parts of you are trying, in their own ways, to help you out.
What Is Parts Work?
Parts Work comes from Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. This model proposes that the mind is made up of different “Parts” that each carry emotions, beliefs, and protective roles.
Each Part develops a role in response to life experiences. The role is often rooted in protecting us from pain, rejection, or overwhelm.
Some parts try to manage our lives proactively (like the Inner Critic or Perfectionist), some react when we feel overwhelmed (like an Avoider or Numbing Part), and some carry the wounds of past experiences, including painful memories, emotions, and shaming beliefs.
At the core of this system is the Self: a steady, compassionate presence within us that is never damaged. Self energy has eight qualities that set it apart from our Parts. When we are connected to Self, we experience qualities like Calmness, Curiosity, Compassion, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, Connection, and Clarity. These are the 8 C’s of Self Energy.
Although these Parts may cause inner conflict, the main assumption of this model is we have no “bad” parts within us. Instead, the intention of each part is actually to protect us from experiencing pain or shame, based on what activated them in the first place.
“Parts are little inner beings who are trying their best to keep you safe.”
For example, if someone has an experience of believing that they are not smart enough, this may activate an inner Perfectionist who comes in to ensure that they study extremely thoroughly and perform well on exams. The intention is to protect that person from ever feeling inadequate again. However, the downside is that this person may begin to overwork or burnout, and inevitably make a mistake, which can trigger the deeper feelings of inadequacy the Perfectionist was trying to prevent in the first place.
The goal of this model is not to get rid of the Perfectionist, or any other Part. Rather, it is to help the Self become the leader of the internal system, so that our Parts no longer have to operate from extreme protective roles.
A Metaphor for our Parts System
Imagine your parts as a class going on a school trip. You all get on a bus, and you have to decide who is taking on what role: who is driving the bus, and who are the passengers?
Ideally, Self will be driving the bus - setting the pace, choosing the route, trusting in its abilities. Other Parts will be the passengers - they can sit back and relax, or give feedback if they really had the urge to, but the Self ultimately remains in the decision-making role.
However, when we have not yet taken time to understand our internal world, a protective part may grab the steering wheel when we feel threatened. This isn’t because it is bad or trying to cause harm. It does this because it believes this is the way to keep everyone safe. Typically, this Part learned its job at a time when we truly did need that form of protection.
In Parts Work, we don’t rip the wheel away or eject the Part from the bus. Instead, we slow down. We get curious about why that part feels the need to drive. We listen to what it’s afraid would happen if it didn’t take control.
As that part begins to feel understood and less alone, it can gradually loosen its grip. Self can gently return to the driver’s seat, not by force, but through building trust.
Reintegration happens when every part knows it has a place on the bus, but no longer has to run the entire trip.
What Does Parts Work Help With?
Parts Work can help with:
Anxiety and chronic overthinking
Perfectionism and burnout
People-pleasing and difficulty setting boundaries
Trauma and unresolved childhood wounds
Relationship patterns that feel repetitive or self-sabotaging
Inner criticism and low self-worth
Rather than fighting symptoms, Parts Work helps us understand why those patterns developed, and what they are trying to protect. When we approach our internal world with curiosity instead of judgment, change becomes less about forcing ourselves to be different, and more about helping our protective parts feel safe enough to soften.
How Does This Look In Sessions?
In session, we might:
Slow down and connect with your body in order to identify which Part of you is showing up
Get curious about what that Part is afraid would happen if it didn’t do its job
Explore when this part first took on its role and what it may still be carrying
Notice how you feel toward that Part
Gently build connection between your Self and that Part
Over time, protective Parts begin to trust that they don’t have to work so hard. Wounded parts can share the burdens they’ve been carrying. The goal is not to eliminate parts, but to help your internal system feel more balanced, collaborative, and led by Self, so that you can respond to life from clarity rather than protection.
If you’re noticing some of these patterns in yourself, you don’t have to navigate them alone. I offer a 15-minute consultation where we can gently begin exploring your internal system and discuss what working together could look like.
Until next time,
Alessia Manzoli
Registered Psychotherapist